


Sergeant Shadwell's Continued Fight Against his Own Demons

by clubs14



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack, How many nipples do you have?, Internalized Homophobia, Mentions of Stella Emmanuel, Multi, Sergeant Shadwell point of view, Slight homophobic language, The Witchfinder Army - Freeform, Weird Religious Beliefs, fighting witches and demons, just ask Thanos, lot's of mentions of Pansies, making demons cry, pointing is a weapon and so is snapping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:47:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26050633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clubs14/pseuds/clubs14
Summary: Sergeant Shadwell had started an Army to fight against all the perceived evils of the world, now he must face them once more. This time they are polite enough to offer him tea first.
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), One Sided Sergeant Shadwell/Crowley, Sergeant Shadwell/Madame Tracy (Good Omens)
Kudos: 16





	Sergeant Shadwell's Continued Fight Against his Own Demons

Shadwell had known the face of evil since he was very young and he was attending Sunday school. The Sunday school teacher had been reading a book on the horrors of witches and how they had terrorised the nation for years with their herbs and crystals.It would start out as simple cooking and cleansing before devolving into spells and curses. It was a slippery slope and he knew then that he needed ways of being able to spot them for what they were as soon as possible. That was how a teenage Shadwell first started a notebook on just how to spot witches in your everyday life. From notebooks it had devolved into research and of course field work. How could he possibly be ready to fight evil if he had no experience. It was hard at first, no one really took his concerns too seriously, that is until he met Bill. Bill started out as a friend and fellow hater of witches. Bill showed him the many weapons of past witchfinder's as well as their notes and battle tactics. Fingers were a man’s greatest weapon, who would have guessed. 

Unfortunately he had stumbled upon an old text that Bill had been hiding that said ‘all witches have more than two nipples’. He knew for a fact that Bill had three nipples and thus could not be trusted. It was the first time he truly felt betrayed. They had been planning to restart the witchfinder army together. They spent all their time together and he had been lying in order to infiltrate the army and help other witches. Shadwell made sure to yell and point his finger so that Bill would know it was the end. He couldn’t be friends with a witch let alone start an army with one. 

That was around the time when he first came into contact with a man that went by the name Crowley. He seemed like he had connections, and the fact that he was hoping for holy water of all things made him all the more keen to help. Only a man of God would want holy water in order to protect himself from witches and of course demons. There was also the small matter that he found Crowley to be quite pretty, for a man. He of course was not a pansy only an observer of other people. He could appreciate the look of someone without being a pansy. 

He made sure that Crowley had his number, just in case he needed a man with an army at his beck and call. No need to tell him that no such army existed or that he mostly just spent his days looking through newspaper articles. Let him think of him as a man with connections and then maybe he would hear from him again. 

That was the beginning of his Witchfinder Army, he had a whole host of soldiers in the early days they were even real people in some cases. He was doing so well he placed an ad in the paper letting potential clients know about his army of men working tirelessly to rid the world of evil. The very next day he got a phone call from someone he would definitely categorise as a pansy. There was a lilt to the man’s voice and an overall air of femininity to him. Shadwell had his suspicions though he was never going to be the one to turn down a job. 

That was the heyday of his army; they were proud to scour through the papers and walk the streets spreading the word that evil still lived amongst them. Sure most folks turned their noses up at their message but there was always the odd person that would listen and come to the truth. These were the days he enjoyed the most before one by one they all abandoned him for wives and in one memorial case a husband. In the end he was the lone witchfinder in an uncaring world full of people that were being led astray by witches and demons. It was tireless work and he was always looking for more recruits though he never got many phone calls that weren’t pranks. 

Crowley now had a son that looked just like him running his business (Shadwell assumed it must be the mob). He still gave him jobs at least and Shadwell still admired his striking looks though he never acted on it. He wasn’t about to live in such a questionable way especially with someone who was a probable mob boss.

Around this time he finally had a new recruit that went by the name of Newt, a little unfortunate given what witches were known for turning good men into. But he didn’t make a big deal over it. What good would come from turning away the one man interested in joining the army. Unlike Bill he didn’t seem to have any extra nipples either, so prime candidate material. 

Other than Crowley the only other one giving him work was the effeminate man that he had started referring too as the Southern Pansy. The man didn’t even seem to mind, almost as if he didn’t care how others saw him. There was definitely something off about him and Shadwell was certain he would figure out what it was one day. He had great intuition after all. 

This like everything else in his life proved to be correct and he alone had the years of training and experience to rid the world of the demon he had once called the Southern Pansy. Only to watch in horror a couple hours later as the woman he was starting to like more than a neighbour was possessed by him. If he had been unsure whether he was a witch or demon before he was now certain he was a demon sent to earth to deceive and lead people astray. He of course was able to help his lovely neighbour escape the torment of the demon. Thus earning her favour and leading to their happily ever after. That was a year ago now, a year of what some may call ‘marital bliss’ he merely called it ‘good.’ Madam Tracy was a lovely woman but he could tell that she had been affected by the possession more than she led on. She would sometimes talk in her sleep and make sounds similar to moans. At first he had thought she must be in pain but when he asked she merely laughed and blushed (something that was uncommon for her). The most recent dream she had said the name of the Southern Pansy now confirmed demon. 

That was when he knew he had to broaden his reach with the help of Newt. They set up the internet though Newt was careful to give him instructions without coming into contact with the machinery. The internet proved to be full of countless stories of witches and demons and the havoc they had wrecked upon the world. He even found the pretty young women Newt was dating on a list of confirmed witches. Even Newt’s assurances that it wasn’t true she was just an herbalist did little to comfort him. He knew a witch when he saw one and not only was Madam Tracy being seduced by a demon but so was Newt. 

Long after Newt had gone home and Madam Tracy had tried to convince him to come to bed he sat, in the dark, on the computer. He ended up finding it. A woman by the name of Stella Emmanuel. She was aware of the sheer amount of witches that were living amongst them and just how easy it was for them to trick unassuming people. She believed that the best way to spot them was by checking for a belly button which he knew was complete nonsense. They could just give themselves a fake one in order to better deceive you. The part that really stuck with him though was the bit about demon sperm and spirit husbands. The Southern Pansy was definitely a demon he had already proved that much, now he just needed to make sure he couldn’t make anymore trouble. His prize weapon had worked well last time so why wouldn’t it be just effective this time? 

The next morning he called up Newt and explained the situation, they would drive to the bookshop in Soho and make sure the demon was dealt with. That should put an end to his hold on Madam Tracy and all the other poor unsuspecting people around him. (Newt was just glad he didn’t bring up his witch girlfriend again.) 

It was near noon when they reached the shop now miraculously not burned, the closed sign was turned on the door and lights were on upstairs so he made sure to bang extra loudly on the door. When that didn’t work he yelled up to the windows, that at least seemed to get his attention as a window was opened a crack. It was the demon himself ‘The Southern Pansy.’ 

He waited patiently as the demon turned around and said something to someone else in the room with him before turning back around and shouting down to them. “Hello Shadwell, Newt. Would you care for some tea?” 

Tea? That sounded like a trick if he had ever heard one, and he had. “No tea, we just wanna talk.” Shadwell shouted back. Normally confrontations with demons and witches didn’t go like this. 

“I have some condensed milk if that would suit better.” And there it was the sign that he was a demon how else could he know what one of his greatest desires was. 

“Fine.” With that out of the way they were both ushered inside the bookshop by the demon and then offered seats before he disappeared into the back. Probably getting something to fight them off with. 

It ended up being condensed milk and tea. Shadwell remained suspicious. 

“So, what can I do for you?” 

“Yeh can stop yur lyin and tell me why yur tryin to take over a fine women like Madam Tracy.” 

“Madam Tracy? Is she alright?” 

“Donn you dare. I know what yur doen.” 

“Thanks for the tea.” 

“Your welcome dear.” The demon formerly The Southern Pansy said to Newt before turning back to Shadwell. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you're referring to.” 

“I shouldn have to explain it. Yur the one that possessed her!” With that he pointed his finger directly at the foul demon. It had worked last time so it would work again. 

Unfortunately just when he knew it was about to destroy him Crowley stepped out of the shadows and aggressively pushed him away. 

Shadwell had noticed how they looked at each other at the airbase. It would make sense that the mob boss would now be working with the demon. What was unexpected was the jealousy he felt at the idea. Here this demon was possessing Madam Tracy and Crowley at the same time. 

“Alright you’ve had your fun, now get out.” Crowley was dragging them both to the door, with more strength than he would have assumed possible. 

“Now is that really necessary Crowley? They just wanted to talk about Madam Tracy.” That put an end to the dragging and Shadwell being a highly trained Sergeant knew this was the time to strike. 

“We’ll leave….fur now.” He said. 

“It was nice to see you both again.” Newt waved before rushing back to the car. That left Shadwell next to Crowley. He leaned closer thinking on the best way to break any hold the demon might have on him. 

“You can do better.” This was followed by a snap of his fingers. A weapon so powerful that he had never dared to use it before. Shadwell could tell it was working because of the confused look on the man's face. 

“How dare you!” He was then pushed right out the door but before Crowley slammed it in his face he added “Aziraphale is an angel and more than I ever deserved.” A tear slipped from under the sunglasses and then the door really was slammed in his face. 

Undeterred he crept to the window in order to see inside, he needed to make sure the snap had worked after all. Sure enough the once tough mob boss that he had come to know was in tears on the couch. Content with his success Shadwell pointed his finger directly at the demon and finished what he had started. With that successful finger point done he made his way back to Newt and the car. They would head back and write a proper report on their latest successful battle with the supernatural. The Southern Pansy was officially powerless. 

Unfortunately Shadwell was mistaken in this because The Southern Pansy was currently petting the distraught Crowley in his arms while whispering sweet words in his ear. Oh well it’s better that he goes back home with a spring in his step. He is a Witchfinder and maybe now a demon destroyer. Over the years he has found many witches and seen the way the world has changed through the many newspaper clippings he has studied. Now after facing the demon a second time and besting him, he feels a new level of success. The powers of evil are strong but he has proven time and time again that he is stronger. 

Once home with Madame Tracy they enjoy dinner and he assures her that she is now free from the terrible events from a year ago. She will rest easily knowing that the hold the demon had on her has been broken. The small smile on her face is enough for him to know that she appreciates his hard work. The pat on his arm and shake of her head as she heads back into the kitchen only reinforces this. The Witchfinder Army did well today.


End file.
